Loss & Acceptance through the lens of Tell Me Why
Life is complicated. No matter how much you do to make your life as easy as possible there will be moments of loss. This can be through so many avenues such as the loss of innocence, the loss of family, the loss of a bond, or the loss of your own self. Dontnod’s 2020 title Tell Me Why explores the themes of loss along with acceptance, including the impact these have on our beliefs and relationships.
As is traditional through Pride Month every year, Dontnod and Xbox have made Tell Me Why free to download and keep, available across Xbox, Xbox on PC and Steam.
Tell Me Why tells the story of siblings Alyson and Tyler as they piece together the night of their mother’s death and navigate having been separated for a decade. The game also explores each character’s sense of identity and we come into their journey which has been going of for years for both. Tyler’s is about his self-identity and growing into a life of being a transgender man, while Alyson’s life has been one of avoiding facing the events of the fateful night.
Family means different things to different people. The most common is that family is those who you are related to and have grown up with, but others have a much broader definition where it can be the people you have chosen to be in your life as well. Regardless of who you count as your family, the loss of a family member is devastating. A lot of Tell Me Why’s story is told through replaying memories that Tyler and Alyson have of their mother – it is likely that you would do the same when someone you are close to dies, and it is also my own experience of losing a parent. While life moves on, you will be hit by those moments when you least expect them.
What Tell Me Why also touches on is the fallibility of memory, and how we all remember things in our own way. The way each of us remembers things impacts how we view our relationships. In Tell Me Why, Tyler remembers his mum as being against his trans identity, cold towards him, and angry, but Alyson remembers her as more of tragic character that was falling apart and was softly spoken. The unreliability of memory is a loss in itself, because we lose a true reflection of the experiences that shape us.
Relationship bonds are also a key part of Tell Me Why, with the twins attempting to reestablish their own bond, while Tyler is also looking at his ties with the people that were closest to his mother. One of those characters is Tessa, their mother’s former best friend and a devout Christian. What we learn from events is that she is struggling with accepting the LGBTQ community generally, and her relationship with Tyler who she has loved as a child. We can all-too-easily lose relationships that are important to us because other beliefs come in to override them, but even without dogma coming between us, the majority of people will have had relationships that simply peter out. It can be as simple as losing touch as people move on to new pastures.
Where there is loss, there can be acceptance. That does not necessarily mean what you are accepting is something positive, but that you’re taking the situation for what it is. Alyson and Tyler retread their past, dealing with the beliefs of those around them, learning about the events that have surrounded their childhood and dogged them ever since. Accepting a situation that has does not meet your own expectations or beliefs can be viewed as a loss, but it can be a stepping stone.
The ending of Tell Me Why brings Alyson and Tyler to a place where they can truly start to heal and build their lives. Right now, there are a lot of groups that have been hit by loss as societal views and politics in many countries swing ever rightwards. We have seen the trans community increasingly shunned by the establishment, and this shift being celebrated, we have seen asylum seekers demonised for decades, and we have seen people from ethnic minority groups get attacked and abused due to misinformation. What has to be accepted is that hateful rhetoric and punching down is a form of winning for those that perpetuate it, and that those in charge are largely okay with this. Those of us who belong to groups on the receiving end have to accept that, because once we accept this loss we can regroup and push back. On the flip side, those who back or vote for those who push the hateful rhetoric and punching down have to accept the fact that even if they view themselves as good people, fundamentally they are not. You cannot be okay with alienating, discriminating, and attacking the smallest and most vulnerable groups in society and claim to be good.
Life is complicated. Sometimes you will have to accept a loss in life, take the bruising, to get to a place where you can heal and be stronger. Be like Alyson and Tyler, who suffer loss but in the end, depending on your choice, accept themselves for who they are and in turn help heal the wounds in their community making life better for all.
