Reloaded review-in-progress — Xbox 360 as f**k

I lament the loss of the visual identity of console catalogues. There’s something so hideously charming and nostalgic about the so-called “piss filter” smeared across the myriad gritty shooters released for the 7th generation of consoles. No game captured the era-defining excessive bloom, grey skies, and comically macho dude-bros better than Gears of War. Despite the fact that I had never played a Gears game prior to this review, the game comes with an innate sentimentality for a simpler time, one where games were dumb and knew they were dumb and never tried to be much else. You pick up a variety of guns, aim those guns at Locust heads, and then haul armoured ass to the next conveniently-placed wall to crouch behind. It’s all blissfully mindless in a way that would never work if it were made today, but functions perfectly as a time capsule.

The remaster itself is near flawless, increasing the graphical fidelity without sacrificing an ounce of personality. Despite looking excellent, it maintains the distinctly Xbox 360 vibe that’s synonymous with the early Gears games. The environments are significantly more detailed and the world is more colourful, a change that bridges the old murky grey style with the more varied palates of today. Character models can look odd at times but, well, they’ve retained the strange proportions of the original game, so who am I to complain?

All the nonsense we knew and loved is back, as well. The way enemies explode into a fresh serving of juicy giblet chunks is deliciously stupid and oh-so-satisfying every single time. The one liners being called out by your Delta Squad mates are just as over the top (though they don’t quite match Dick Marcinko’s) – screams of “EAT SHIT AND DIE” or simply “FUCK YOU” are common but make me chuckle every time. It’s all so dated and yet somehow timeless, like any generation of gamer decades in the future could still get a kick out of mowing down Locust hordes with some pals.

The PS5-specific upgrades are especially appreciated, considering so few games – even PS5 exclusives – take advantage of them. The adaptive triggers are a game-changer and had me fully respecting the DualSense for the first time since Astrobot. Using each weapon feels a little different in terms of triggers and rumble, and taking control of a turret is akin to holding one of those far-too-enthusiastic massage machines. 

I won’t quite review the story here, since that feels like a topic that’s been run into the ground in the brief period of 19 years between the game’s initial release and this new version. What I will speak on, as a newcomer, is how the game’s narrative holds up to today’s – *groan* – post-Last of Us world. Easy answer: it doesn’t. More complicated answer: it’s a relic of the past and I love it for what it isn’t trying to do. 

The setup is almost non-existent; evil mutants emerged from beneath the earth and now, 14 years into the war, we have to continue trying to kill them because they’re trying to kill humanity. You’re immediately thrown into the action as Marcus Fenix, the man who holds the record for widest head of all time. Luckily, his old bud Dom is there to make him feel less alone in his wide-headedness. The two of them, plus the rest of Delta Squad, are tasked with finding and activating a MacGuffin…and then you shoot bad guys for a few hours as Delta Squad is picked off by inconvenient snipers every once in a while. 

The plot doesn’t progress much from there. I’m sure the lore and the characters develop more in the sequels, but seeing as I can only judge this as a freshman effort, there’s little to dig into. The cast is full of wise-cracking meatheads, bantering brazenly as waves of mutants provide topics of shallow conversation. It’s serviceable as a backdrop for a game featuring a chainsaw-gun, but never makes an attempt at anything ambitious. Its campiness is its saving grace, making scenes that could’ve been boring into wacky comedy gold. The famous Mad World trailer is so comical now having played Reloaded: this adorable schlock is what that emotional, brooding, bleak trailer was trying to represent? Was this game somehow not considered campy back in 2006? ‘Twas a different time, I suppose. 

What impressed me the most about the majority of Gears is the amount of variety it packs into its tight runtime. The game’s first act set me up to think that I would be bored after a few hours; it introduces the traditional third-person cover shooter mechanics and does little else. But the subsequent acts find clever ways to mix things up: the second act features a light/dark mechanic that makes you hyper-aware of your surroundings, and the third act forces you into cramped spaces with explosive enemies. The game tends to play to its strengths – it’s strategically less about the act of shooting enemies and more about positioning. Locust are clever and will attempt to flank you, so it’s imperative that you maintain spatial awareness and stay mobile. Encounters feel dynamic in how the cover is dispersed throughout each area, turning most fights into interesting combat puzzles on harder difficulties. 

Admittedly, this good game design has its significant limitations. The fourth act sees mechanics take a backseat to shooting more waves of enemies with little variation from the established formula. The fifth and final act features a fun but safe turret sequence, and halfheartedly forces you to implement the skills you’ve gained over the previous acts. A disappointingly bland final boss doesn’t help, either. Gears also features a handful of half-baked ideas – your ability to command the rest of your squad feels ineffective even in a best case scenario. Also notably un-notable is that once per act or so, you’ll be given the opportunity to make a choice between a left path or a right path. It doesn’t take a genius to see that these choices are almost comically meaningless, and only determine whether you’ll shoot bad guys from behind a wall or from behind some rubble. 

The sound design is superb, though it’s largely relegated to the overwhelming refrain of gunfire that permeates each area. Guns sound different enough from one another and pack a gratifying aural punch. Music, perhaps, is where the game shows its age the most. It’s far too adventure-y for the darker tone the game is going for; Nathan Drake could easily wisecrack over this overexcited soundtrack. I’m not saying Gears needs to rival Doom (2016) with how hard it goes, but the coolness factor is dampened by the score’s lightness. 

Gears holds up on a technical level for the most part. I experienced a few minor bugs (if you don’t touch your controller for a few seconds, the screen gets engulfed in a strange black fog) and a single infuriating crash occurred during one of the game’s most difficult sections. The framerate held up throughout even the densest swarms of Kryll or Locust. I can’t speak to the state of the multiplayer servers just yet but will elaborate once we’ve played more. 

Let me present you with a sentence that could not have been conceived of just five short years ago: Gears of War: Reloaded on PS5 is the best possible way to experience Gears of War. Its story is as hilarious as it is absent, the gameplay holds up surprisingly well, and nothing, nothing games have let you do in the past 19 years feels quite like chainsawing a dude in half with your gosh darn gun. I was 8 years old when this game came out originally and in some alternate reality where I owned an Xbox, this was the coolest thing my adolescent brain had ever processed. At a jaded 27 – yeah, it’s still pretty f**king cool. Without having dipped into the multiplayer modes just yet, I would confidently give it a 75. 

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